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You broke up. Your heart is aching over what feels like an utterly devastating loss. You don’t know if you’ll ever get over it. It seems like the only cure is getting him back.
I’ve been there, not once, not twice, but too many times. As hopeless romantics, we tend to “hope” when the signs he will never come back are clear. Hoping causes us to overlook the reasons our relationships end. We’re more focused on fixing things, so we can feel whole again.
The truth of the matter is breakups happen for a reason. If nothing else, they teach us important lessons about ourselves in relationships.
That said, stick around for 19 specific signs your boyfriend is done with the relationship and won’t come back. Be sure to also read why men break off relationships, signs they still have feelings, and reasons they may come back.
Why Did He Break Up With You?
In this case, you’re the one with the inside details of what transpired in the relationship. What I can say is different types of men leave for different reasons. It doesn’t always have to be over something you did wrong.
Take for example the Player, the Commitment Phobic, the Insecure Guy, and the Narcissist. Each of them will break up for different reasons, which may or may not blindside you.
Then, there is the Narcissist…
Signs He Still Has Feelings for You?
One of the clearest signs your ex still has interest or unresolved emotions for you is communication. He may keep the lines of communication open by staying in touch, even if it’s a simple message to see how you’re doing.
The more frequently he reaches out, the more likely he’s not over you. Once he resolves whatever issue caused him to leave, he just might explore getting back together.
This is provided he’s not The Player or Commitment-Phobic. They are capable of breadcrumbing you to keep you as a ‘side piece’. Keep an eye out for these other glaring signs your ex still cares for you:
Do Men Usually Come Back and Why?
It’s not impossible, but I’d go out on a limb and say this; the odds are not in your favor if he left because of something he cannot tolerate or get over.
The other day, On my YouTube Channel, I made the point that men are not usually the ones to initiate a breakup or file for divorce. If they love you, they’ll think long and hard to walk away. Since they tend to think things through, they may never reconcile after that.
On the flip side, if he effed up and feels remorseful, he may try to get you back. My ex-husband tried to reconcile within six months of our divorce. Although I left him, he felt responsible. I didn’t take him back. Fast forward to 12 years later. He came back, again.
I don’t know what your story is. However, take everything into consideration to assess your situation. If he’s already showing signs he still has feelings for you, then there’s a good chance he’ll return.
Reasons He May Come Back after a Breakup
As with almost everything else, there are exceptions. For example, hell has to freeze over for him to return! Just kidding.
A guy may come back if the emotional pull he feels towards you is too strong to ignore. Usually though, that alone isn’t enough for men. They’re not typically as intensely emotional as women.
However, if your ex broke up with you for personal reasons that had nothing to do with you, there’s a chance he may come back after those issues are resolved. Other reasons he’ll come running back to you include:
19 Unmistakable Signs He Will Never Come Back to You
I really hate to be the bearer of not-so-pleasant news, but I just gotta tell ya, if you’re seeing the following signals he ain’t coming back, girl, he ain’t coming back! The following signs say it all:
1. He tells you he’s done and is ‘sticking to his guns’
A woman will say she’s done when her emotions are running high. She doesn’t usually mean it. Perhaps you’ve done this yourself. Guys, especially a secure attachment style, don’t normally threaten breakups just to get your attention.
Secure men don’t typically blow ‘hot and cold‘. When they’re done, that’s it. They’ll break up and stay broken up. A secure man is going to communicate his feelings and decisions. He may even give you the reason why.
He’s also likely to remain civil with you because of his secure personality.
2. You haven’t heard from him since
Unless the guy lost your phone number and access to all your social media pages, friends, and relatives, or he’s dead, he’s pretty much done. Men are wired to chase after women they are attracted to.
So if all you’ve heard was radio silence since the breakup, take that as one of the top signs he will never come back. He’s silent because he’s moving on with his life. He’s not sitting there pining away or ruminating about the relationship.
3. He doesn’t respond to your messages
I feel your pain. Nobody enjoys getting ignored, even someone with a secure personality. If your messages are getting left on ‘read’, that’s not a good sign. This is pretty much like going No Contact, only that he’s not testing you to see if you’ll miss him.
Otherwise, he would respond to signal interest, even if it’s a “Hello, how are you.?” He’s the one who left. Either that or you ended the relationship, and he’s afraid coming back will get him hurt again.
4. They cut contact with your mutual friends
Your mutual friends are like channels for communication. If you broke up with your boyfriend, and he wants you back, he’s going to try to get through to you through these friends. Cutting them off like he cut you off isn’t a positive sign.
He’ll do this to prevent you from using those individuals to contact him indirectly. He may also wish to avoid having to answer their questions about the breakup.
5. He unfollowed you on social media
Fans of the former REAL co-host, Jeannie Mai, noticed when her soon-to-be ex-husband, Jeezy Jenkins unfollowed her on Instagram. He did so days after filing for divorce.
If your ex did this to you, he more than likely doesn’t care to be in your online world and social circle either. While he may still care for you as a human being, he’s not sticking around to track your personal life.
6. He asks you to stop reaching out
Being told to “lose my number” is hurtful. Ouch! These are words that come from a guy who’s truly over you and lost respect for you. At this point, your ex may feel you’re invading his space if you keep trying to get him back.
With guys, this is a sign of clinginess. A clingy woman is unattractive to them. They also lose respect for you. You shouldn’t wait for things to get to this toxic. Know that you are worthy of love and someone new will come along.
7. He is dating again
The sting of the pain of seeing the man you still love with another woman is unbearable. You guys broke up only recently and he’s doing what? You’ve got to face the fact that this isn’t a ‘good look’. Not unless he’s trying to make you jealous.
If that’s the case, then honey, tell that boy, “Bye!” That is the modus operandi of a Player. Otherwise, if he is genuinely moving on, it may be time to come to terms with the idea that you’ve lost him, maybe for good.
8. He ghosted you
Your ex is alive but you no longer see or hear from him. He’s like a ‘ghost’. It’s like he fell up off the face of the earth right after the breakup.
Ghosting is when someone abruptly cuts off contact with you without warning. Men ghost when they’re no longer interested. Some are famous for doing so after the first date, the first sexual encounter, and after a breakup.
Being on the receiving end of ghosting hurts, but at least you know how he doesn’t feel.
9. He breadcrumbs you
Breadcrumbing is often referred to as the new form of ghosting. Your ex is breadcrumbing you if he offers basic communication by messaging. For example, he does the classic “Good morning” text and disappears after that.
He’s giving you just enough information or ‘crumbs’ to keep you interested. Things don’t go any further. He doesn’t call or ask you out. All he’s doing is stringing you along, knowing darn well he’s over you.
10. He blocked you on social media
Blocking someone you once cared about is a form of rejection. Even if it isn’t what your ex intended to do, he’s nevertheless signaling he’s cutting ties. Blocking you may be the last thing he does as he seeks to tie up any loose ends.
By his actions, he’s saying you are no longer important for him to stay in contact with. Blocking may also be his way of pushing you away.
He may secretly hope this makes you move on, so he doesn’t have to deal with you asking him to repair the relationship.
11. He tells you he doesn’t love you anymore
Men don’t typically fall in love easily due to how their brain is wired. Some can be in a relationship for years and have no such emotional ties.
By your ex saying he doesn’t love you anymore, he’s willing to risk losing you for good. He knows he’s done. He knows he’s not planning on reuniting.
He’s clearly communicating how he feels and is providing you with a sense of closure.
12. He asks you to come “get your shit”
I’ve been on the side of wanting my belongings back from my ex. He found all kinds of excuses not to give it back. In other words, men will hold on to your belongings as memories or to buy time.
They may do this if they’re conflicted about their feelings for you. However, if your former love tells you to “come get your shit” from his house, the writing is on the wall for the relationship.
He’s so through with you that he’s unwilling to burn a few gallons of gas to drop your belongings off.
13. He cuts off support
Men measure their worth in their women’s lives based on how much they can do for them. When a guy is invested in you, nothing is too much for him to give you, including his financial and emotional support.
If the breakup is temporary, for whatever reason, he may continue to look after your needs. He may also provide emotional support even though you guys called it quits. If these gestures cease, he’s lost interest or has no plans to patch things up.
14. It’s been more than six months since
There’s a saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” It all depends on the circumstances. The opposite is also true. The more time passes, the more the physical and emotional distance grows between you.
Men are really simple and predictable human beings. In other words, if your ex wanted to get back together with you, he would have said so by now. He would have called, texted, emailed, or tried to meet up to close the gap.
15. He doesn’t seem attracted to you anymore
You’re broken up, but your ex remains on your social media. Since your breakup, you’ve changed your wardrobe to trendy sexy outfits. You’re showing more legs and more cleavage. After all, you’re single again and happy! Right?
However, his social media silence is deafening. He no longer likes or loves your new photos or comments on your appearance. He used to do so in the past.
He was proud you were his girl and he was your man and made sure his comments communicated his feelings.
16. He’s no longer jealous over you
Let’s say your ex runs into you at having coffee with a male friend of yours. However, you notice he’s nonchalant. He even came over and said “Hi,” to both of you without making a scene.
Perhaps, he isn’t an aggressive or rowdy person, but you notice he didn’t even text you to ask “Who’s that guy?” or have a total meltdown. Seeing you socializing with a male doesn’t hurt his feelings.
In his mind, the two of you are no longer an item, and he has emotionally moved on.
17. He told you’re better off as friends
Getting friend-zoned after the breakup is another one of the signs he’ll never come back you can’t afford to overlook. He is more than likely trying not to hurt your feelings by cutting you off completely. Unless he’s playing games, he means it.
By playing games I mean, saying he wants to remain friends while still trying to hook up. In that case, he will come back, but not for the reasons you had in mind. It’s only to satisfy his male desires.
18. He ignores your romantic advances
Men are sensual beings and love to flirt with women. You know this already. When you were an item, he loved it when you flirted with him. Every suggestive statement and emoji from you was interpreted as you wanting to get close.
None of that stuff works anymore. It’s like the charm has worn off, and you’re left feeling ignored or rejected. Of course, your ex may not be doing this on purpose. He’s just not that into you any longer.
19. You cheated on him and he’s not over it
No judgment here. I just have to provide all the top reasons or signs he will never come back. This just happens to be one I cannot leave out. If you were outrightly unfaithful to the guy or had an emotional affair, things are going to take a different turn.
Even though they hate it, men will try and put up with a woman ‘nagging’ them, but not cheating.
Infidelity kills them internally. Based on how men are wired mentally and emotionally, they usually don’t have the capacity to get over it. Until then, the chance of him wanting you back is minus zero.
Reasons Why Men Don’t Come Back
This is usually the case if you break one of his cardinal rules such as disrespecting him or cheating on him. Men feel masculine when women respect them. They feel wanted and enough when women are faithful.
I think if we were in a face-to-face conversation you might say men cheat more than women and their partners stay with them. Remember men and women are constructed differently. They don’t look at things the same way.
They are more practical and logical thinkers, rather than emotional decision-makers. A man would leave a woman he still loves if she crosses those lines, without looking back.
If it’s any consolation to you, research by Ex Back Permanently shows that 71% of people don’t reconcile with their exes. At that rate, it’s pretty clear that the odds are stacked against exes.
An estimated 15% get back and stay together. 14% of those who reconciled end up breaking up again. Sounds like the making of an off-and-on relationship, which is an unhealthy dynamic.
Final Thoughts on Signs He Will Never Come Back
Not knowing where you stand with your ex can be maddening. The uncertainty may cause you to feel hurt, unlovable, anxious, or depressed.
May I say, all of your emotions are natural in the circumstances? That said, there’s no point in forcing someone to come back to you or sit around waiting for their return. Life is too short for that plus there is ‘plenty of fish’ in the sea.
You may as well accept it’s over. I would rather do that than spend my days self-soothing with tubs upon tubs of Häagen-Dazs, wishing he shows back up.
Here’s the thing, intuitively, we may pick up on clear signs he moved on, but blind to love, we deny reality and cling to hope.
Acceptance is the opposite of denial. Being aware of what’s going on can save you from the pain of false hope.
Awareness can help you accept he’s gone for good. The one thing I can say for certain, from experience, is this; by accepting, you free yourself to move on and heal.
After the dust settles, you’ll come to realize that your ex not coming back is like a “blessing in disguise.” While on the topic of painful breakups, 20 Ways to Get over Someone You Love and Move On is a must-read.
And if you're looking for articles about narcissists and narcissism, be sure to check out these blog posts:
- 20 Warning Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist
- 13 Obvious Signs a Married Man is Using You
- 19 Weird Things That Narcissists Do to Manipulate People