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Have you ever felt that you weren’t good enough or doubted your abilities? If the answer is “yes”, you know what it’s like to feel insecure.
I'm sure you'll agree, when someone feels insecure, it not only affects them… but can negatively impact the lives of those around them. Knowing the signs of an insecure woman can help you identify the problem and offer help if warranted.
Insecurity may seem common with women in relationships, and there are different degrees. While a small number of occasional feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy may be expected, there is the danger of those feelings becoming toxic.
When insecurity escalates, not only will it affect the woman, but it can also have adverse effects on her friends, family, and acquaintances.
In this article, I'll share the definition of an insecure woman, some warning signs on how you can recognize insecurity in women and give you some tips on how to deal with and help women who are insecure.
What is an Insecure Woman?
You can often spot an insecure woman by how she behaves. Insecurity may be manifested in different ways, but telltale signs will be present. They may be subtle if she is slightly insecure or adept at hiding her insecure feelings… or you may notice she exhibits certain behaviors.
Some of the most common insecurities include:
Early Warning Signs of an Insecure Woman
When a woman is insecure, it can affect multiple areas of her life. From family to work, to romantic connections, an unhealthy amount of insecurity can cause anxiety, heartache, or an end to relationships.
We’ve compiled a list of signs to look for to help you identify an insecure woman… and hopefully nip it in the bud before it spirals out of control and the petals continue to fall.
Sign #1. An insecure woman says, “But you're my only friend!”
If an insecure woman stresses that you are her only friend and she has dropped her other relationships, she may push you for validation. She not only wants you to know you are her favorite person, but she wants you to convince her she is number one in your life.
You may notice that, no matter how often you try to convince her she is an essential part of your life, it’s not enough. The questions continue as she seeks validation. And she will continue to insist that you are her only friend or romantic interest.
Sign #2. An insecure woman says, “I can't live without you!”
An insecure woman may insist that life is not worth living without you. While a woman saying, “I can't live without you,” is not necessarily a red flag, notice the way she says it. If she’s desperate, her tone, insistence, and behavior will be evidenced enough for you to know she’s insecure at a toxic level.
While it’s a nice feeling to feel like you’re needed, make sure the woman you care about has a healthy outlook. If she insists that she cannot be happy without you, if she’s desperate for you to reassure her of your devotion constantly, she may be an insecure woman. If that’s the case, she is not the woman you’ll want in your life.
Sign #3. An insecure woman says, “It’s not going to work; quit dreaming!”
When you’re in a relationship, you value the other person’s opinions when you’re making decisions, especially decisions that may affect both of you. If your girlfriend is consistently unsupportive of your goals and dreams, and tells you you’re wrong… she is exhibiting insecure behavior.
An insecure woman finds a measure of enjoyment in the failure of others. Often, if someone is succeeding, they are threatened by that success and try to belittle them or pull them down.
Sign #4. An insecure woman says, “There's nothing wrong with me!”
In a healthy relationship, authentic conversations are key, especially when conflict arises. If a woman gets defensive and insists she is never at fault, or that nothing is wrong with her, she is insecure.
While it’s normal for us to defend ourselves and our actions if we believe ourselves to be in the right, a person with a healthy outlook on life can do that and not go to the extreme. However, if a woman is insecure, she will raise her voice and refuse to listen to reason or speak in a reasonable tone.
She will be fearful of the consequences of showing any vulnerability or admitting to being wrong.
Sign #5. An insecure woman says, “It's all your fault!”
Even though an insecure woman is not necessarily in denial, she may not admit that any negative consequences are due to her actions. Instead, she will blame you. She does not have confidence in herself or the strength of the relationship to admit her failings.
While her insecurity leads her to withhold the truth of her own failings, she cannot bring herself to acknowledge them but instead will point her finger at others. You’ll notice that this seems to be an automatic reaction in an insecure woman.
Sign #6. An insecure woman says, “I am not overreacting!”
If you’re in a relationship with an insecure woman, you’ll find that she may become defensive if she feels you think she is overreacting. In actuality, she does overreact to conflicts that arise. The lack of self-value she feels dictates how she is behaving, which may include attempting to make you feel stupid, idiotic, or guilty.
It’s important to note that almost everyone does not like to be told they are overreacting. This can quickly escalate the situation quickly, whether you're dealing with an insecure woman or one with a healthier outlook. Choose your words carefully, especially if you feel the environment is becoming toxic.
Sign #7. An insecure woman gives you the silent treatment.
That’s what often happens when you’re in a relationship with an insecure woman. She may frequently refuse to talk to you or even stay in the same room with you. This is the way she wields her power over you even as she feels she has no power.
If you find yourself dealing with an insecure woman who gives you the silent treatment, you may feel that you are constantly walking on eggshells. You try not to rock the boat lest you trigger her toxic behavior.
Sign #8. An insecure woman says, “Where are you going now?”
When a woman is insecure in the relationship, she may not want you to be involved in any activities outside of what you do together.
She will complain and may even cry when you attempt to hang out with friends or pursue a hobby. Even going to the gym can cause her to challenge you.
Insecure women will complain and constantly nag until you give in and do their bidding. They look to you for validation and don’t understand why you would need anything besides them to feel content.
Moreover, their innate selfishness prevents them from trying to understand your need to pursue outside interests.
Sign #9. An insecure woman says, “You are good for nothing!”
Bullying and belittling behavior are signs of an insecure woman. While she obviously does not have a good sense of self-worth, she doesn't want you to have a good sense of self-worth either. She will use her words to beat you down and prevent you from gaining confidence in yourself.
But why? Her insecurity keeps her from understanding what you see in her and why you value having her in your life. So, out of fear and in an effort to control you and hold onto the relationship, she will belittle you in order to make herself feel better.
Sign #10. An insecure woman says, “Who's that woman? Do you like her?”
Signs of an insecure woman include extreme jealousy. While it is normal to feel jealous once in a while or to a small degree, taking it to the extreme is a sure sign of insecurity.
Anytime you are talking to or casually looking at another woman, her own feelings of low self-esteem will arise, and she will challenge you in order to have you validate the relationship.
She may even put herself in the place of a victim, as if you're committing an atrocious act against her for showing attention to someone else.
If you find yourself constantly having to reassure her that she is the most important woman in your life, you may be in a relationship with an insecure woman.
Sign #11. An insecure woman exhibits copycat behavior.
While it’s normal for a couple to adopt a measure of each other’s interests, an insecure woman will mimic her boyfriend’s interests as well as his behavior.
Have you ever noticed a woman who changed who she was depending on who she was with at the time? That’s a sign of insecurity.
If the change is minimal, it’s probably nothing to worry about, but if it’s a major change that affects her personality, how she dresses, and what her interests are, be aware that she has a problem with insecurity.
Sign #12. An insecure woman says, “You don’t think I can do anything right.”
An insecure woman is afraid to be criticized. Even when you’re at your best at communicating constructive criticism, she just can’t take it.
Remember, in her heart, she thinks she is not good enough or pretty enough. A simple acknowledgment that she looks tired may send her over the edge.
Criticizing her may move her to tears. She may lash out at you for thinking she can’t do anything right in your eyes. Or she may belittle herself, hoping you’ll offer some validation in return.
Sign #13. An insecure woman says, “I’m sorry; I’m so sorry.”
A common trait of an insecure woman is that she offers apologies much of the time, even for circumstances beyond her control. If you’re headed to your favorite restaurant and it’s closed, she’ll apologize for suggesting that restaurant. If she forgets to bring in the mail on the way in, she’ll apologize and may even add that she’s “just so stupid.”
The constant apologizing stems from her lack of confidence. She is not confident enough in herself to stand behind her decisions or see that she’s not truly to blame.
How to Deal with an Insecure Woman
After recognizing the signs of an insecure woman, you can imagine what a “turn-off” it is to date or live with one. However, if you’ve identified your significant other as insecure, what should you do?
Should you run or should you stay?
Well… first, you’ll notice how your relationship is strained or has deteriorated because of her insecurity. It may not be as fun or enjoyable as it was in the beginning. So then you’ll need to determine if the relationship is worth the risk to fix.
Do the pros of staying in your commitment outweigh the cons? Your relationship is unique to the two of you. There will always be good times and not-so-good times, even in the best relationships.
Weighing the pros and cons will give you a good insight into whether the relationship is worth saving.
Pro: You can share your life with someone.
Con: She is needy, and you have no me-time.
Pro: You care for each other.
Con: She is smothering you with affection.
Pro: You can grow together in your interests.
Con: You feel like you've lost your individuality.
Considering the pros and cons of whether a relationship is worth salvaging can help you in taking your next step. For instance, if it truly is worth it to stay in the relationship, you don’t have to settle. You can put the time and effort into helping your woman become less insecure.
Tips for Helping an Insecure Woman Feel More Secure
We’ve compiled these tips to help you enable your significant other to feel more confident and secure.
There may be times when you discover that your girlfriend needs more than you can provide to get past her insecurity. This can happen if her feelings of worthlessness or low self-esteem stem from a history of abuse or a traumatic event.
If that’s the case, your best action may be to attend couples counseling.
Whatever steps you choose to take, getting yourself in the right mindset is critical to dealing appropriately with a woman’s insecurity. When you do, the words you use and the actions you take are apt to make both of you feel better about your relationship and yourselves individually.
Most likely, you’ll find that the time and effort you put into making your relationship work will pay off in the end, as evidenced by your happier life.
Final Thoughts on Signs of an Insecure Woman
Whether you're in a current relationship with an insecure woman or find yourself with an insecure woman in the future, you now know how to recognize the signs of insecurity. Knowing how to recognize and effectively deal with a woman's insecurity can not only improve your relationship, but can improve your significant other's quality of life.
During the process, you may find that you (or the both of you) need a mental break from the stress caused by her insecurity and the process of working through it. That is perfectly ok, although it might sting at first.
As you take steps to better your relationship, you'll discover more happiness in your life. After all, as it's been said, “Happy wife, happy life!” Just be sure to never put your own feelings on the backburner or get sucked in to not taking time for self-care.