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When you think about saying “I do” and that you’ll have and hold your partner through sickness and health and the rest of the traditional wedding vows, are you ready?
Are you ready to commit to this person, ready to put in the blood, sweat, and dedication to make your marriage work (because it’s not a done deal and requires effort), and ready to spend the rest of your life with the person you are marrying?
Or is there a sinking feeling in the pit of your tummy because you’re marrying wrong person?
Various reasons exist for why people get married, but do you really want to walk down the aisle toward the wrong person and file for divorce a few months or years later?
Many people believe the divorce rate ranges between 40% and 50%, and while that indicates more marriages work out, that doesn’t mean the couple is happily married.
Why go through all the expense and effort when you can use these warning signs that you’re marrying the wrong person and get out before you are stuck in a loveless, toxic relationship?
Sign #1. You Argue a Lot
If you are already arguing a lot, know it won’t change when you tie the knot. In fact, it is possible that it will only get worse.
It’s also essential to know that disagreements in any relationship – platonic and romantic – are normal.
But respect needs to always be part of that equation to ensure the disagreements stay on the healthy side and you are not tearing into each other, showing disrespect, and resorting to name calling.
It’s when you rile each other up, look to start arguments on purpose, and just can’t be civil that you have a clear warning sign that you are marrying the wrong person.
Also, you may argue more now that you are engaged and the stress of the wedding arrangements and pressure from friends and family are real. But are you arguing for the sake of arguing, or is there a purpose to it?
Constant arguments may indicate that you are not compatible life partners, and all the conflict and fighting will only cause bitterness and resentment. Is that the type of marriage you want?
Sign #2. You’re Marrying the Potential that Your Partner Could Be
Do you clearly see your partner for whom and what they are now? All their imperfections, flaws, and shortcomings together with their strengths?
Or are you like most other couples who love the idea of who your partner could be? Do you only see their potential and hope that’s who your partner will be once you say “I do” and settle into married life?
For example, you may believe that your partner has the potential to be a wonderful parent. But in reality, they are controlling you. They constantly check where you are, decide what you should eat, and more.
A controlling partner won’t make a good parent just because you believe it. They’ll try to control your child too – because that’s what they do.
The saying “a leopard can’t change their spots” rings true here.
You can’t make your partner change, so it’s best to see them for who they truly are. If they are someone you adore and love, great.
Get married. But if you are only marrying them for their potential, you are blind and won’t be happy when you become their life partner (because they won’t live up to your expectations).
Sign #3. You Are Just Too Different
Opposites do attract, but if you are too different, that isn’t good. A relationship is built on shared interest and common ground, and if you have absolutely nothing in common, what will you talk about?
How will you build emotional intimacy? And while the sex may be awesome now, sex won’t keep you together in the long run.
You need to have things in common – your values, hobbies, how you see life, and more. Those experiences are what connects you and helps you build a close bond.
If you are always the life of the party and constantly need to be around others, but your partner is so introverted that they shy away from groups of people and social events, how will your relationship work out?
Either you are going to resent your partner for “keeping” you at home with them, or they’ll resent you for always dragging them to networking events, parties, and nights out with friends.
Chances are you are already that couple with little to nothing to tie you together, and a couple of wedding rings won’t improve your relationship or give you things in common. Either work on that now, or it’s a sign that you are marrying the wrong person.
Sign #4. You Don’t See Eye to Eye
While not seeing eye to eye can be the same as not sharing values, hobbies, and interests in life, it can also be that you have completely different ideas about your future, goals for your career, and what you want out of life.
Your focus may be on self-development, building better money habits, and self-care, while your partner chases one adventure after the other and just spends whatever money they earn on instant gratification.
Or maybe your partner wants a house, 3.5 kids, and to stay home while you work once you are married. Both of you should focus on your careers, save as much money, and only think about having a baby once you’ve been married for three to five years.
You can see how at odds these couples are, right?
They don’t see eye to eye on things that matter, and with life goals so far out of sync, how will they make their marriage a happy, healthy, and successful one?
You need to learn how to compromise and be united together, but if you can’t, aren’t on the same page, and don’t ever see eye to eye, you shouldn’t get married.
Sign #5. You Don’t Talk About the Serious and Important Stuff
There are plenty of couples who only talk about the surface level stuff with their partner. They never truly reveal who they are or what they believe or talk about the serious, deep, soul-searching, and meaningful stuff that helps you build intimacy and foster true connection.
Your would-be spouse should be your person and best friend. They are the person you’re going to be living with for the rest of your life and whom you’ll have kids with (if that’s in the cards for you).
You need to really know each other and also plan your lives together.
That means diving deep and talking about stuff like religion, money and investments, retirement plans and ideas, children and how you want to raise them, the kind of lifestyle you want, and what you want out of your marriage.
You must talk about these major topics and talk about them honestly, frankly, and respectfully. If your partner dodges you when you bring up serious stuff or makes light of it, it’s very likely that you aren’t marrying the right person for you.
Sign #6. You Feel Trapped
If you feel trapped now while you are just in a relationship or engaged, know and understand that the feeling won’t go away when you get married.
It’s likely that you’ll only feel more trapped when you are someone’s spouse, and walking away once you’ve tied the knot is a lot more complicated than when you are just engaged. At least, you don’t have to get a lawyer involved, fight over who gets the house and kids, and more.
If you feel stuck in the relationship, start with self-reflection exercises to learn why you are feeling this way.
Is your partner a narcissist, gaslighting and manipulating you to stay with them? Are you being abused in other ways? Or, do you feel that you aren’t worthy of more and better?
Do you see a future together that’s better (possibly not), or is there no way out?
Feeling like you are suffocating should be a clear indication that you shouldn’t get married, much less marrying your fiancé or fiancée.
Sign #7. Your Opinions Aren’t Valued
Your opinions not being valued is just one aspect of how your partner should not be the person you marry. Essentially, if your opinions aren’t respected and valued, it’s very possible that you as a person aren't being valued and respected.
And that doesn’t translate into a healthy and successful relationship (or marriage when you tie the knot). Rather, you are in a toxic relationship.
You are worthy of being respected and valued, and if your partner doesn’t see or show that, it’s their loss. But it does mean you need to work on yourself and learn how to value yourself and walk away from the relationship or engagement.
Sign #8. They Are Abusive, Manipulative, Controlling, Narcissistic, etc.
A partner who is already abusing you now won’t stop abusing you once you get married or have their children, no matter what they promise.
Abuse in romantic relationships usually escalates, and it will only become more difficult for you to leave that toxic and heartbreaking situation when you are a wife or husband (or parent).
It’s important to know that abuse isn’t just physical or sexual; it can take many forms. A partner who controls, manipulates, humiliates, and gaslights their significant other is abusing them.
An abuser doesn’t change, and if you are in a relationship where abuse is the norm, it’s a definitive sign that you are marrying the wrong person (because no one deserves to be abused in any way – ever).
Sign #9. You Don’t Spend Quality Time Together
Romantic couples should make time for quality time. They should go on dates, share a hobby or two, star gaze, go on road trips, or go for walks in the local park. There are many options for hobbies for couples.
Quality time is a must for couples to bring them together, cement their bond, and know that they have each other to count on when life gets tough (and it will).
Couples who let life pass them by and just focus on their busy lives at work are more like roommates than two people who choose to share their lives.
While there’s nothing wrong with opting for a platonic romantic relationship (a sexless one), you and your partner should make time for each other.
If sex or your kids are the only thing you do together, you aren’t marrying Mr. or Ms. Right for you.
Final Thoughts about Marrying the Wrong Person
People don’t often change, and it’s likely that your romantic partner won’t.
It’s so much better and easier to see them for who they are and do an honest evaluation of your relationship so you can know whether you are marrying the right person or the wrong one.
Tying the knot and then realizing you made a mistake makes everyone’s life messier and complicated. Why go through that when you don’t have to?
With these signs that you may be marrying the wrong person, you can save yourself a lot of heartbreak. Remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and so much more.
If you want to find the right partner that also wants to see you succeed in life, then this video is for you:
Looking for more love advice and how to know when you shouldn’t tie the knot? Here’s a guide with 13 reasons your partner only wants you for your money.
And if you're looking for more articles about relationships, be sure to check out these blog posts:
- 7 Steps to Overcome Insecurities in a Relationship
- 87 Affirmations for Marriage to Improve Your Loving Relationship
- 15 Warning Signs That Your Partner Has Commitment Issues
