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I've been an introvert my entire life. While I wouldn't change a thing about my introspective personality, at times it can make dating a challenge.
Such challenges aren’t from a lack of mutual attraction, but often from being misunderstood, particularly by certain extroverts.
Even dealing with another introvert can be equally challenging. After all, sometimes you do need a little bit of extroverted energy to bring you out of your comfort zone a bit.
Maybe you're an extrovert who is dating a thoughtful and, at times quiet, introvert. You may like this person or even adore them, but you may sometimes wonder about their thoughts.
Based on your extroversion, an introvert may appear hard to read. You may even wonder if they even like you at times because they may not be over the top with feelings.
Let me let you in on a secret as an introvert. You can rest assured that if an introvert is in your company, they like you!
After all, introverts don't tend to spend their time with a crowd of people, so if you're getting their one-on-one time with a date, then you've made the cut!
What Is an Introvert?
So, what exactly is an introvert? Introverts are often misunderstood as shy people who want to hide from society. That couldn't be further from the truth, as sure, some introverts can be shy, but not always.
If you don't believe me, I have someone who is close friends with an introvert and see what they would say about their friend's personality.
An introvert may not show all of their layers and inside jokes to strangers, but they are certainly capable of coming alive with people that they trust and feel comfortable with.
Plus, someone who completely wants to hide from society is best described as a recluse. Think of the late silent movie star Greta Garbo, who constantly said, “ I just want to be left alone”.
She eventually did completely leave Hollywood and fame alone. True introverts, not recluses, are perfectly fine dealing with society, but they just need to do so in spurts or smaller doses.
The best way to describe an introvert is someone who may prefer to spend time alone or in small groups.
In other words, it would take a lot for an introvert to be in a large, noisy social setting. If they are in such a setting of, rest assured they likely won't be in that setting two nights in a row.
Introverts are characterized by being highly introspective and more independent compared to extroverts.
Extroverts tend to rely more on getting energy from other people. If you hear the loudest voice in a crowd, you can guarantee it's coming from an extrovert, not an introvert.
As a result, many introverts are often very creative people who live more in their heads compared to others. Introversion has produced some of the most famous artists, such as the world-renowned late artist known as Prince and the late Michael Jackson.
Do you find yourself crushing on or dating an introvert? Do you want to know what it's like dating them?
Whether you're another introvert or an extrovert, here are some tips you can follow to understand what it's like navigating a relationship with somebody who is on the introversion spectrum.
Here are 11 practical tips for dating an introvert that will help you build a strong and happy relationship.
11 Tips for Dating an Introvert
1. Respect Their Solitude
The typical introvert may have their own Fortress of Solitude that can rival that of Superman. Don't take it personally. It's just that introverts need time to recharge their energy.
Because introverts are just that, introverted, many of their thoughts and feelings are inside their head compared to extroverts who are always letting everything out.
So, introverts may need to process their innermost thoughts and emotions in a private moment.
The United States is a relatively loud, extroverted country. For an introvert to thrive in such a society, it can sometimes take a lot out of them just to deal with school or work.
Sometimes, family gatherings can be a bit much. Once they're away from the societal obligations of academia or business, the only time that they can really, truly be themselves is at home and with those they trust.
Don't take it the wrong way if you don’t hear a peep from them for a few hours. They're not ignoring you. Don't think they don't love you or assume they don't enjoy your company.
They're just enjoying some private time to recharge, so when they do sit down and talk to you again, they are ready and can be their best self.
When you give them the freedom and privacy they need, trust and belief, they will adore you even more. If you respect their solitude and don't make fun of them because of it, you may end up having an introvert that will find it hard to shut up around you!
After all, they see that they can trust you and you respect them and don't see them as a weirdo.
2. Try Listening More
If you're already dating an introvert, you've likely already discovered that they're not the biggest fans of small talk.
However, you may have also concluded that they are more than capable of having deep and meaningful levels of conversation, which you may have attracted you to begin with.
After all, introverts tend to want to have a real connection with someone. Therefore, superficial small talk with people who they have little in common with may drive them crazy.
Your introverted date is likely a very good listener who will hang on to everything that you say.
Don't be surprised if they don't immediately respond because the wheels may be turning in their head as they analyze what you said. Just be careful not to take advantage of an introvert's kind ear. If you want to impress them.
Make sure that you listen to them when they talk. Try not to interrupt them or dominate the conversation.
A good way to draw out their intellect and ability to have a meaningful conversation is by asking more open-ended questions. Ask them more about their experiences and opinions on things.
Don't just listen to wait to give a response. Truly listen to what they're saying so they know that you're really thinking about their words.
3. Don't Attempt to Change Them
I remember being told by a relative who was trying to push alcohol on me when I didn't feel like drinking at the time, that it would be something that would help bring me out of my shell.
The thing is, there was no shell, as I simply had enough to drink at that time, and if I wanted to talk, I don't need alcohol to do so. The moral of the story is that introverts are not broken people that need to be fixed.
Introverts are simply different from their fellow extroverts. An introvert can be in a social situation, but they don't need constant exterior stimulation to exist. When you say things like that to an introvert, it's insulting, and disrespectful, and can quickly turn them off.
Instead of focusing on the introversion of their personality, focus on their other strengths and qualities they likely exude and attract you to them.
4. Focus on Quality Connections
A typical introvert is likely to have a few close friends rather than be a part of a large group of acquaintances.
Even if they're on Facebook, they're less likely to have the 10,000 “friends” that their extrovert counterparts have. They may focus on the.50 or 100 people who they've actually met in real life.
One of the reasons why they tend to keep a closer circle is because they prefer meaningful interactions with people. So, if you are dating an introvert, don't automatically expect them to befriend everyone that you know or go to every party.
They'll appreciate it if you focus on spending quality time with them and doing things that connect you.
5. Have Patience
As mentioned, there may be times when you're wondering what your extroverted date is thinking. Don't assume that they are a blank slate or unfeeling.
They just may need time to clearly and directly express how they're feeling to someone, especially if they're still getting to know you.
However, if you like this person, don't give up on them too soon. Remember, introverts will take time to open up.
Once they do, you may have a friend or spouse for life. So, when you're dating this personality type, it's best to have patience and understanding.
6. Be Honest About Expectations
If you're an extrovert dealing with an introvert, you may have different expectations when it comes to communication and intimacy.
Make sure your introverted partner knows exactly what you want from their relationship. After all, they're not mind readers.
You may want to be clear on how often you'd like to see them, expectations of socialization, and so on. If certain things are deal-breakers, make sure they know that as soon as possible.
Remember to understand that they also may have certain expectations in deal breakers to consider.
7. Meet Halfway on Socializing
As an extrovert, you may be used to being the life of the party. So you may be ready to paint the town red every weekend while you're introverted partner may need time to read a book or go on a quiet, candlelight dinner date.
Of course, compromise is a must for both people who want to be in a healthy adult relationship. Just be prepared to alternate between those cozy moments at home and nights out on the town with a lot of friends.
8. Be Supportive
As mentioned, your introverted friend is very much a part of society, but they just may not be loud about it. Your introverted partner may have a lot of passions and hobbies that they've had since childhood.
After all, many introverts tend to be very creative people so don't be surprised if your date enjoys music, painting, gaming, gardening, writing, and anything that requires intensive thinking or solitude.
While you're introverted, your partner may not always verbally express themselves, their hobbies and activities are usually a way for them to do so. Don't be afraid in joining in on the fun sometimes if they welcome it.
Who knows, they may teach you a thing or two, such as how to play an instrument.
9. Be Thoughtful
Your introverted partner is still a human being who appreciates little things that you may do for them. If you enjoy being romantic, don't be afraid to surprise them with little gifts and gestures.
When you focus on gifts or gestures that pertain to their hobbies, they'll love you even more. For example, if the person is a bookworm, why not get them a book by their favorite author or a gift certificate to their favorite bookstore?
10. Earn Their Trust
It may not surprise you that a typical introvert isn't always into casual dating. They tend to be deep thinkers who keep a close circle. Therefore, if they're dating you, they are more than likely interested in a real relationship.
Fidelity and honesty are a must in a partner that an introvert takes seriously. Otherwise, they prefer not to waste their time. If you know you can't deliver these things to them, then you may not want to waste your time trying to date them.
11. Know and Love Them for Who They Are
Be honest about dating an introvert. Do you love them for who they are now, or do you think ahead of who they may be in the future? Understand that regardless of how quirky or quiet they may be, they are who they are, and it's not fair to expect them to change.
Their unique attributes help define who they are as individuals, and somebody will love them for it. If you can't be that person who can love them for being quiet, thoughtful, creative, and deep thinkers, then you simply don't deserve them.
Final Thoughts on Dating an Introvert
Whether you're an extrovert or another introvert, being with an introverted partner may have its challenges.
However, you're likely to be dealing with a quality person and a deep thinker. They may bring so much creativity and joy to your life in ways that you are yet to fathom.
So, while it may at first be hard getting words out of them, nine times out of 10, it's worth the wait… as the words that will come from their mind, heart soul and spirit are words that are worth listening to.
Matter of fact, they may be words that may be famous one day, especially if they become a well-known writer. Remember, introverts are creative, after all!
If there's an introvert on your list that you're crushing on, want to date, or are currently dating, use this article as a guide to understand more about what life could be like with them. There are many layers to pull back when you have an introvert in your life.
Everything about them isn't at face value and obvious, but hey, doesn't that make it even more fun to get to know them overtime?
Imagine what it would be like if things get serious and you get to grow old with them. To learn about how an introvert can date an extrovert, feel free to read the Happier Human article, 7 Introvert Dating an Extrovert Tips for a Successful Relationship.
And if you're looking for more articles on dating and relationships, be sure to check out these blog posts:
- 7 Steps to Overcome Insecurities in a Relationship
- 17 Signs You’re Dealing with a Serial Dater
- 15 Warning Signs That Your Partner Has Commitment Issues
Finally, if you want to identify YOUR personality type, then take one of these 11 personality tests to better understand what makes you tick.