Can Two Introverts Date and Make a Good Couple?

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Can two introverts date successfully? Opposites attract and cling together, while two of the same kind repel. That's a scientifically proven fact if we're talking about magnets. Is that to say the same principle applies to dating and romance between two introverts?

What's an Introvert anyway?

Swiss psychologist, Carl Gustav Jung, was the first person to use the terms “introvert” and “extrovert” as personality types. Jung essentially described introverted people as emotionally reserved, shy, passive, and less energetic.

They keep to themselves and relish being in their own company. Their extroverted counterparts are energetic and highly sociable beings. Society often refers to them as the “life of the party.”

Since introverts are quite alike in their personality traits, there might not be as much opportunity for growth, according to relationship experts. But you shouldn’t allow naysaying to faze you from dating or getting into a relationship with a fellow introvert.

My job is to arm you with FOUR strategies that can help make any introverted pair go together, like peanut butter and jelly.

Can Two Introverts Date Successfully?

Do you hear that? That was a resounding, “Yes!” Take it from an introvert who happens to prefer the easy-going nature of my fellow introverts. You may ask how that applies to successful introvert-introvert dating.

As you may know, different factors influence the longevity and success of dating and relationships. What it usually comes down to is determining if you two can co-exist and satisfy each other's needs.

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Since introverts are quite alike in their personality traits, there might not be as much opportunity for growth, according to relationship experts.

All things considered, two introverts can make a good match, explains Andrew Aaron, a licensed independent clinical social worker. The crux of the matter is that they understand each other's personality traits. They're able to find common ground, which is a huge conflict buster. As such, the relationship is less likely to be toxic.

Admittedly, we're talking about two individuals with a natural tendency to remain socially withdrawn. On the plus side, though, introverts can be more fun to be around and there isn't usually much fuss about this and that. No one's rocking the boat or looking to start a fight.

The relationship is primarily a quiet, safe “place”. Date nights often consist of staying in, ordering out, and binge-watching movies, while cuddling on the couch.

“Boring!” said the extrovert. Contrary to what others think, you're not “boring loners” who lack social intelligence or are socially awkward. This list of 27 famous and successful introverted people proves the critics wrong.

More Reasons Why Introvert-Introvert Dating Can Be Successful

Dating a fellow introvert means you'll get to enjoy their laid-back persona, thoughtfulness, and knack for listening well. There's a calm, balanced vibe between you two that makes good for a low-stress relationship.

Another major plus is you enjoy the same things and see eye-to-eye on many topics. You get each other, on a deeper level, even when you're sitting silently side-by-side.

There's no pressure to speak, solve a problem right now, or even go out and socialize. Instead of being in crowds or noisy public places, you prefer spending quality time at home, in the quiet. One-on-one interaction is your way of establishing a deeper connection and trust.

When Two Introverts May Not Want to Date

While we’ve touched on some really great reasons to add to your “pros” column, there are instances when two introverts getting involved may not serve their best interests. Here are a few solid arguments for the “cons” column:

  • Dating tends to move at a slower pace compared to an extrovert-extrovert couple. While it's perfectly okay, the relationship starts losing zest very quickly. A lack of external social stimulation may also lead to boredom and loss of interest.
  • Your desire to avoid conflict may result in a lack of communication. Being passive and emotionally closed off often prevents you from asserting and getting certain needs met.
  • The constant need for space may make it hard to really get your hands dirty and discover what makes you both tick. While space promotes healthier attachment in most relationships, too much of it can interfere with building a solid foundation.

Four Strategies for Successful Introvert-Introvert Dating

Socially shy individuals like us have difficulty opening up, talking about feelings, and socializing. Yet, these are necessary ingredients for a well-balanced and healthy relationship. That is why we are going to talk about the four KEY approaches for overcoming these and other challenges that may affect your dating success.

Strategy #1. Be open to having deep conversations

By no means am I implying that socially shy lovers have surface-level conversations. It's just that emotional openness isn't your forte. However, talking about even uncomfortable things is really the only way to get to know one another at the core.

Deep conversations create trust and a sense of safety within the relationship. Considering this, you need to make conscious efforts to have conversations that enable you to know each other on a deeper emotional and spiritual level.

What makes your partner tick? You may have different beliefs. Digging beneath the surface allows you to discover fundamental things about your partner you won't ordinarily know. Do they support monogamy or open relationships? Do they want to get married and have kids? What about their religious and political views?

Strategy #2. Create a balance between time together and away

You may find your partner alluring because of having similar traits, in addition to valuing and appreciating the same things. Space is one of those critical things.

You love being alone to do your own thing and recharge your energy. Besides, your partner gets you and respects your need to be alone.

Agreeably, space in a relationship is a must for establishing a healthy connection. At the same time, too much alone time can create emotional distance. According to Marriage.com, too much space is unhealthy. Finding that balance will allow you and your partner to experience greater dating satisfaction.

Strategy #3. Assert your needs more often

Asking passive individuals to express their thoughts, feelings, or needs is asking for a lot. However, expressing yourselves more often is crucial for relationship satisfaction. While you may have no trouble discussing everyday life matters, you might be shy or afraid to let your partner know what your needs are.

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Dating a fellow introvert means you'll get to enjoy their laid-back persona, thoughtfulness, and knack for listening well.

As such, you find it easier to assume your partner can or should figure out and meet your needs. By not expressing your needs, both of you might begin feeling dissatisfied, unloved, or unappreciated. Feeling this way and not discussing it can result in a breakup.

Strategy #4. Discuss concerns and resolve conflicts

I don't think there's any relationship that is conflict-free. It's all about how you “fight,” and fighting must be fair and respectful to preserve trust.

To resolve your differences, whether related to opinions or choices, you'll need to engage in constant communication.

“Good communication and problem-solving skills are critical for relationship success,” says Family Life Specialist, University of Illinois Extension Associate Professor, Angela R. Wiley, Ph.D.

Remember an issue that isn't resolved today remains to be resolved tomorrow. Eventually, you're left with a pile of problems to discuss and fix. Two things might happen as a result of allowing things to fester.

One or both of you might become resentful or the relationship may turn toxic. If that happens, things have gone too far.

Final Thoughts on Can Two Introverts Date Successfully

At the end of the day, I think it boils down to finding common ground and satisfying each other's needs.  Compatibility, trust, love, respect, and emotional closeness are other factors that play crucial roles in relationship success and happiness. 

The expression two peas and a pod was coined for a reason… it is possible to date a fellow introvert and have boatloads of fun doing it!

An afternoon kayaking on the river or a low key day or night at home can be just what the doctor ordered for two kindred spirits. Just remember to make sure to talk often about what’s going on inside your head. After all, communication is vital to the success of any relationship.

Finally, if you want to identify YOUR personality type, then take one of these 11 personality tests to better understand what makes you tick.

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