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As a child, I was taught that talking about myself or feeling proud of myself was intolerable and unholy.
The only acceptable feeling I was allowed was to be humble to the point of allowing others to trample all over me, and I wasn’t permitted to speak one word about it. Pride vs humility had hard lines. To break them meant certain punishment.
As an adult, therapy showed me the healthy route to humility with a thriving dose of self-pride sprinkled in from time to time.
The day I discovered this was the day my life turned to joy.
In this article, I will explain the accepted definitions of pride and humility, the complex journey to their extremes, and how to distinguish their differences.
I will also share lessons, resources, and activities you can use to help teach your kids a healthy balance of both pride and humility. You’ve got this!
What is Pride?
Pride is an ego-based feeling of pleasure, satisfaction, or joy in valuing oneself for overcoming obstacles or obtaining hard-earned achievements.
However, the term “pride” also refers to having an unwarranted or arrogant view of oneself, making them better than everyone else. An excessive sense of pride usually stems from insecurity.
What is Humility?
Humility is an ego-based feeling diminishing one’s hard-earned achievements with the belief that they are no better than anyone else.
Humility may also refer to having a low opinion of oneself that has the potential to devolve into harmful self-deprecation. A sense of humility that results in low self-esteem also stems from insecurity.
I know what you’re thinking: “It sounds complicated. How can I clearly tell the difference between pride and humility?”
How to Distinguish the Differences Between Pride and Humility
While it may seem cut and dry to tell the difference between pride and humility, the definitions vary depending on several factors.
For instance, a pastor and a psychologist may have contrasting views as to what is going on in the human mind related to pride and humility.
To help answer these questions, take a look at the following examples:
- Pride, from a religious perspective, is usually considered a vice.
- Excessive pride occurs from insecurity and may cause a person to be insensitive or arrogant.
- People usually distance themselves from a person with excessive pride.
Meanwhile,
- Humility, from a religious perspective, is considered a virtue.
- Excessive humility occurs from insecurity and may cause low self-esteem or other mental health issues.
- People usually distance themselves from a person who is always depressed or putting themselves down.
On the flip side
- A healthy perspective and a balance of pride and humility are dynamic in forming a healthy-minded person.
- Excessive dives to either extreme are signs of deep-seated insecurities that probably need professional therapy to overcome.
- Other people are drawn to the charisma and healthy balance of pride and humility demonstrated by a person who grasps the virtues of both.
Yet, many questions remain about the types and levels of pride and humility we allow ourselves to feel. See if you can relate to these questions.
- When is it okay to feel proud of yourself or your accomplishments?
- Is pride always bad?
- At what point does it become bad?
or
- Why is humility a virtue if it means putting yourself down?
- Is humility always good?
- At what point does it become harmful?
and
Is there a way to draw the good stuff from both pride and humility at the same time without having the negative stuff involved?
The answer is yes.
Brief “Pride vs Humility” Lessons
The most experienced lesson planners will tell you that the best lessons for kids are stories or scenarios that remain in their long-term memory for years to come.
Through a child’s powerful imagination, the visuals of stories touch emotions that fire neurons in the brain to learn and record.
It truly is a miracle to see a child’s face when it all lights up in their head, and they figure out answers for themselves. Give it a try. You’ll see what I mean.
Lesson #1
*A shy young girl named Jane worked very hard on her own to keep good grades in school. As a result, she graduated at the top of her class and won several scholarships for her college education.
For the first time, at her graduation ceremony, Jane held her chin a little higher and felt pride in her accomplishments. She didn’t feel better than other students, but she did feel she made herself a better person because of her years of hard work.
*Another young girl named Jill had all the best tutors and educational assistance her parents could buy. She, too, graduated at the top of her class and won several scholarships for her college education.
At Jill’s graduation ceremony, she looked down her nose at the other students, haughty and proud of the advantages given to her. She knew she was better than everyone else.
Can you tell the difference between the pride felt by Jane and Jill? See if you can name a few.
Lesson #2
*Years later, Jane graduated from college with honors. Her humble nature never allowed her to view herself as better than others. Instead, she quietly donated much of her time to volunteering at the inner-city soup kitchen every weekend.
Her love for helping others and keeping in contact with reality kept her grounded and balanced with just the right touch of humility.
*On the other hand, Jill’s family hit hard times and went broke, which caused her to withdraw from college without earning her degree. When the truth of her earlier prideful nature was tested, she learned humility the hard way, and it hurt.
But instead of having a healthy level of humility, Jill fell further to the other side, the harmful side.
She began self-deprecating and viewing herself as better than no one, but worse. Her unhealthy level of humility caused her to fall into a deep depression and other traps of mental illness.
Can you tell the difference between the humility felt by Jane and Jill? Which one stands out most to you?
“Pride vs Humility” Resources, Videos, and Charts for Kids
It’s never too early to teach the concepts of pride and humility to kids. It’s best not to let them “live and learn” on their own, especially in the modern internet age of social media and artificial intelligence.
Do you really want to trust technology and bad actors to teach your kids these truths? Certainly not.
Tap on the following resources to help teach your kids about pride and humility in a way that is conducive to their best overall health and wellness.
- Dr. Tracy Brown shares videos about pride vs humility for adults and older kids.
- The University of California at Berkeley shares science-based insights on humility.
- In this link, Laurie Wright presents a video about feeling proud of yourself.
- Kindergarten Worksheets and Games provides charts and other visuals for kids and their feelings.
- Twinkl.com also provides some awesome pride and humility charts and worksheets for kids.
“Pride vs Humility” Activities for Kids
There are many activities that can help kids fully understand the differences between pride and humility. Try the following ideas for starters.
Soon, you and your child will be creating new spontaneous activities on your own. We’re creating the next generation of amazing young people here!
Activity #1
Before your child starts their day, have them make a choice and plan out one way to demonstrate humility for the day.
It may be as simple as pouring orange juice for a parent or tying a shoe for a sibling.
Activity #2
Have your child plan out a secret random act of kindness that no one else will know about or who has done the kindness. The key is that no one will ever know.
Activity #3
Role-play a simple scenario where the child gets to choose between feeling pride or humility. Use the moment as a teaching tool for whether or not their choice was the best and why.
Activity #4
Kids imitate role models. Find an opportunity to demonstrate to your child when it’s okay to feel proud of themselves without the stigma that it’s a bad thing.
For instance, tell a story of how you are proud of learning how to drive a car, manage money, or stand against something that scares you.
Activity #5
Don’t stop now! You’re on a roll! To teach your child when pride goes rogue, make a point to always consider whether or not pride is hurtful to others or getting out of control. You’ll be amazed how much they will remember what you teach them.
Activity #6
Teach your child gratitude first, always. Together, create a gratitude jar and decorate it. Place it in an open space.
Each day, have your child write down three things to be thankful for and put the notes in the jar. Gratitude has a funny way of teaching about pride and humility.
After a period of time, extract the notes with your child and read them aloud to remember all the things they are grateful for. You might even want to start a gratitude scrapbook to save the memories.
Activity #7
Have your child write a letter to themselves or draw a picture of themselves, making note of things to be proud of and ways they enjoy showing humility.
This is an excellent way to boost self-esteem and provides a teaching opportunity to correct thinking patterns in a positive way.
Activity #8
With your child, create a vision board with photos or notes of goals your child wants to accomplish. Each time a milestone is reached, reward your child with a small token and explain the value they have in their lives and everyone else’s.
Activity #9
You and your child go shopping. Let your child choose canned goods and dry goods at the grocery store, bag the food, and pay the cashier.
Drive straight to a food pantry, and let your child deliver the goods in person. This exercise has so many good lessons that your child will never forget.
Activity #10
In this exercise, you are going to take a negative and make it a solid positive. With your child, write down any negative self-talk your child uses.
The fun comes when you show your child how to turn it around. For instance, if your child says, “I’m so stupid,” scratch it out and write “I’m incredibly smart!” Then, have your child repeat it.
Activity #11
Have a game night! Someone will win. Someone will lose. The winners aren’t allowed to gloat, and losers aren’t allowed to get mad.
Instead, set the example that “It’s okay for you to win. It just gives me the opportunity to get better for next time.”
Activity #12
On a computer or by hand, create a colorful image with an empty box in the middle and lines radiating outward from it. When the family is together, have your child write their name in the box.
Next, each family writes what they love about the child. Post the paper so your child can see it each day.
Activity #13
Nothing destroys insecurity like quality one-on-one time with your child. Whether you choose to bake cookies, go to the park, or ride bikes together, keep it a positive experience and let your child know how proud you are of them.
When insecurity isn’t in the way, your child will have more emotional space to grow in a healthy way.
Activity #14
With your child, write down a list of positive affirmations with cut-outs or colored images that will remind your child to read them every day. Post it to their bedroom door. It will bolster their self-confidence and help them feel secure.
Activity #15
This is one of my favorite activities! Choose a movie or book with your child’s favorite characters.
On slips of paper, write the characters’ names. Then, one by one, have your child choose if the characters are primarily proud or humble.
Visit Love to Know for more ideas on activities to help teach your kids the differences between pride and humility.
Final Thoughts on “Pride vs Humility”
Even though the lines are blurry about the feelings and emotions surrounding pride and humility, how they ebb and flow, and where the boundaries to extremes are, they are worth talking about.
Teaching your kids about pride and humility doesn’t have to be a hard task. It can be quite fun. And you’ll find that you will also learn more about yourself in the process.
Feeling proud doesn’t have to be evil, and being humble doesn’t mean you’re a doormat. Follow what is good and true in your heart, and you and your child will be just fine.
Check out 21 Moral Values All People Should Learn to enhance your life and be a better role model for your kids.
And if you're looking for more articles about mindfulness, humbleness and personal growth, be sure to check out these blog posts:
- 9 Feelings Charts Printables for Adults
- 7 Steps to Effectively Reparent Yourself
- 9 Printable Feelings Chart Examples for Kids
- 21 Simple Ways to Stop Oversharing with Others
- 15 Humbleness Examples You See Throughout Life
