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When we hear the word “soulmate”, our minds have a tendency to go to a romantic place where true love exists and all of your dreams come true.
Conversely, few people hear the word and think about friendship… a place where sexual intimacy, coupling and romance couldn’t be further from your mind.
Whether it’s a same sex or opposite sex relationship, you likely have someone in your life that makes you feel lucky or blessed just for knowing them. This person completes you and “gets you” in a way that few others do.
This isn’t just friendship or companionship… it goes much deeper than that. If you find yourself nodding and feel as if you can relate to this, then you’ve likely found your platonic soulmate.
But how common is this? And how can you be sure that you’ve found him or her? Maybe even more than one?
Today we’ll define the term, talk about the concept of soulmates in general, and then go over 15 unmistakable signs that should help clue you in! You may be surprised to discover you’ve already found “the (platonic) one”… or perhaps you haven’t just yet.
Either way, it’s ok. The beauty is that these people can come into your life at any time and often when you least expect it.
A platonic soulmate is someone you have a deep and intimate connection with, but neither of you is interested in being romantically or sexually involved.
This can be a same sex or opposite sex relationship. It doesn’t matter because physical intimacy is off the table. In fact, you never even set a place for it.
All that matters is being together. You are filling a void in one another that you may have never known existed… and yet you would be seeping with unhappiness if you weren’t part of each other’s lives.
A soulmate in the traditional sense of the word is defined as a romantic relationship in which there is an intense connection where both people feel deeply drawn together as if the affair was somehow destined to be.
Furthermore, the New Age movement describes a soul mate as someone with whom you’ve experienced many lives together, often to fulfill a specific mission.
In fact, many psychologists claim there are 4 primary types of soul connections:
Your platonic soulmate can reside within any of these categories, as they are not necessarily based in romance or pleasures of the flesh. They are about bonds that simply cannot be broken, and in some cases, continue on from one life to the next.
If you’ve got that one person in your life that makes you feel like you’d be worse off without them, who you can’t wait to see or talk to, who just makes you feel safe… then you may have found your platonic soulmate.
Romances come and go, but the bond between soulmates can never be severed… and will remain intact through thick and thin.
Here are some of the key signs you’ve got one (or more) of these people in your corner.
Boredom is a common emotion we all experience from time to time. We become bored with our daily routines, bored with school or work, bored with a certain television show or bored with going to the same restaurant time and again.
When you’re in a romantic relationship, perhaps you’re bored staying in or shopping on the weekends. Maybe you’re even bored in the bedroom. It happens to the best of us.
But when you’re with your platonic soulmate, none of this applies. You likely aren’t living together, so you share different routines and have separate lives… yet when you choose to come together, there is nothing boring about it.
You laugh, you cry and you can talk for hours. You simply want to be together and it doesn’t matter what you’re doing.
Have you ever sat in awkward silence with another person? Perhaps it was on a first date or when you were the odd man out at a group event? Or your husband dragged you on a double date with his colleague and their spouse, in which you have nothing in common.
Conversely, you and your platonic soulmate never have this problem. You can always find something to say to each other. In fact, you may have no big news… but still have news to share.
And if not news, there are plenty of thoughts and feelings to divulge about what’s been happening in your lives.
Maybe you want to pick their brain about accepting a job promotion, or ask what they think about this new girl you’ve been dating or simply vent about how sloppy your kids are.
Because you don’t likely see or talk daily (unless you’re lucky enough to), more things build up and by the time you connect, you’re bursting at the seams to share.
When I was a child and said the same thing, at the same time, as my little brother or best friend… we’d yell “jinx!”.
And then we wouldn’t be able to talk again until someone said our names. Today, I still play this “game” with my husband and our four young children.
With a platonic soulmate, it’s usually less “jinx” and more of, “I was just about to say that”. It’s as if her very thought was on the tip of my tongue at the exact same moment.
This kind of relationship means that I won’t spontaneously buy an unflattering and overpriced outfit when we’re shopping together, we’ll have no trouble ordering plates to share on a menu, nor will I give a guy my number who appears to be a “train wreck” because he likely doesn’t deserve me.
With a platonic soulmate, you don’t need a psychic to steer you in the right direction or tell you what you’re feeling because you’re in tune with each other’s thoughts and emotions.
There is nothing worse than a one-sided relationship… whether it’s romantic, familial, professional or platonic. If you’re the one always doing the giving or sacrificing, you’re going to become resentful and feel unappreciated or even used.
This, however, is something you never have to worry about with a platonic soulmate. It's as if it is ingrained in your brains, or you are hardwired, to do something nice for each other.
No matter how big or small, you just know when a gesture is needed. This can be words of encouragement, a small gift basket to show your support or a book to lift their spirits.
Being reciprocal is not just about objects, it’s about being there for each other and “returning the favor” when the time comes without being asked.
Nobody is perfect. Nobody. Sure, some people look and act the part… as if they’ve got it all together and everything figured out.
But at the end of the day, we’re just one cup of stress or an ounce of disappointment away from becoming a hot mess!
We often lie to ourselves that we’re fine. We tell people that everything is fine. Still, there are these nagging insecurities and worries that we can’t easily escape from or suppress. And we shouldn’t have to.
In fact, denying yourself to feel what you need to feel can actually make you physically ill. The trick is to not get caught up in the storm and fall too deep down the rabbit hole. That’s where your platonic soulmate comes in, like a first responder for the soul.
This person loves you at your best and your worst. More importantly, they don’t keep score and don’t expect you to change.
You’ll have your moments, both good and bad, and your relationship will never suffer. In fact, these habits and behaviors simply become accepted, and even expected, for being a part of what makes you “you”.
The opposite of awkward silence is comfortable silence. These are those moments where you just sit in someone’s company and take it all in… the aura of the room and the people filling it.
My husband and I often sit on our front porch rocking chairs, phones inside, and say nothing. We listen to the birds chip and watch the deer prance across the lawn.
We feel the gentle breeze on our faces just before a rainstorm. And then one of us will ask, “what are you thinking”?
Often we have an answer to the question and it sparks a conversation. This works for us and is a lovely moment; yet, it differs from the ones I have with my platonic soulmate.
With her, I can listen to her speak for an hour about her stress over finding the work/life balance, and I say nothing. In doing so, she knows that I feel her pain and disappointment; and she also knows my answer to the question she isn’t directly asking me.
My silence is telling her to take a step back and redirect her path in order to prioritize the people and things that matter most.
It is in quiet times such as these that all my platonic soulmate really wants is to be heard and talk through whatever is on her mind amidst a friendly and calming face. She is merely looking for your support, while your silence will help her find her way.
Sadly, most relationships come with a judgment clause attached. Like it or not, when we mess up or fail to be anything other than our best, it is often criticized or frowned upon by at least one person.
If you don’t get good enough grades in school, your parents are often quick to attribute it to laziness. If you date the wrong person, you must have low self-esteem or feel like you have a point to make.
There will always be people in our life that are constantly hovering around you, waiting for the other shoe to drop… waiting for you to stumble on your life’s path so that they can say, “I told you so” or “You should have listened to me”.
While this is the harsh reality, you should take comfort in knowing that your platonic soulmate will never utter such words. Your relationship resides safely in a “judgment free” zone and its barriers can never be broken down.
In fact, they will likely encourage you to remove toxic people from your life that refuse to accept you for who you are… mistakes and all.
Many of our relationships leave us feeling as if we are constantly trying to make a first impression.
This isn’t to say this is the way it should be, but it's in our nature. So often, circumstances dictate that we behave and say things in order to gain the approval of others.
Think about all of the times you were asked to participate in a work event that you had no interest in, or attend a concert just to impress someone you were dating.
It’s exhausting having to put on appearances and pretend to be someone you’re not… or like something you don’t. And for what?
When they find out the truth, will they still want to be around you? And if they do, is that new hobby really something you care to spend time doing?
Your platonic soulmate likes you just the way you are. As a bonus, if you change along the way (which often happens as we get older), they’re not going anyplace.
Quirks, mannerisms, likes, dislikes… these are all part of your wonderful and unique package that draws this person to you.
When you have someone in your life that loves, respects and accepts you just the way you are (and vice versa), it’s only natural that you trust them implicitly.
This means that you listen to them when they have advice to offer, and that you are willing to be there for them when it comes to the things that matter most in their world.
You want to continually strive to be the person they see you as… and live up to their high expectations for you. You believe that each other is capable of anything and push each other to fulfill their dreams and goals.
You’ve taught each other to never settle and to always look for the good in others.
It’s good to mix things up from time to time. It keeps life interesting and can help you discover new things that you may have not otherwise tried or known about.
Since childhood, our parents encouraged us to find people in life that pushed us to step outside our comfort zone and take chances (within reason).
Had I not listened, I never would have learned that I really enjoy photography as a hobby or The Dave Matthews Band.
While my love for DMB has somewhat fizzled out over the past two decades or so, I am still taking pictures. In fact, I’m usually tapped to be an amateur photographer for family and friend’s big events.
For the hobbies that stick and your love of music and movies that have never waivered, finding someone that enjoys them as much as you can be tricky… but not when it comes to your platonic soulmate.
Part of the reason they are in your life is because they are just as excited as you to wake up and go fishing at 4am on a Saturday or ski a black diamond course in Utah.
At this point, you are who you are. You like what you like. There is no sense in pretending and with your platonic soulmate you don’t have to!
When life deals you a bad hand and you find yourself in a difficult, stressful or sad situation, you may be too exhausted or broken to realize that you need help or a shoulder to lean on.
You’re spread thin and just want to escape, but you can’t run away from your troubles. Even if you did, they’d be waiting for you when you got back.
And then… your platonic soulmate just shows up. Like a guardian angel or magic genie, you couldn’t have wished for a better person to get you through whatever this is.
They have this uncanny way of sensing when things are off and have no reservations about stepping into the fog and lifting it so that you can see the better days ahead.
There will be a time when you meet someone and instantly “click”. The conversation flows, the banter is playful and quick-witted. Or perhaps you’ll bond over a common cause, such as volunteering.
It feels as if you’d known each other forever, yet it’s been moments.
From that very first encounter, you’ll know you’ve found someone to connect with. Someone you were meant to know.
Conversely, there will be a time when you’re feeling lost or alone… and there they are. Maybe you’re going through a divorce or loss of a loved one.
Whatever it is, your platonic soulmate will often enter your life when you least expect it, but need it the most. They will empathize with you and encourage you that this too shall pass, and there is nothing you can’t do together.
Have you ever been out in public with your platonic soulmate, or just talk about them incessantly, that people constantly ask you if you’re dating?
People view you as a walking billboard for the “perfect couple”.
You hold the door for each other, you laugh and smile together and make eye contact when you’re talking. You have nothing negative to say about the other person and they are a top priority in your world.
You tick all of the romantic partner boxes… except that you don’t engage in any sexual activities whatsoever and it likely hasn’t crossed your mind.
Getting romantically entangled would likely only mess things up and neither or you are willing to compromise what you have, which runs so much deeper than physical intimacy.
Once you’ve found your platonic soulmate, you’ll likely find that you’ve also inherited an extended family.
The fact that the two of you share such a deep connection and clearly love one another, coupled with the fact that you’re practically inseparable, means that their family has accepted you as one of them.
You are invited to family dinners, movie nights, vacations, holidays… you name it.
You’ve become a permanent fixture as a “plus one” in their world and are happy to jump at the opportunity for some quality time whenever it arises.
When you’ve found your platonic soulmate, the simple things in life become even easier.
Things like ordering food, choosing a movie to watch or what to do on a Saturday night are no longer tedious chores akin to serving on jury duty… when you’re trying to get everybody to agree on a verdict.
Because you have the same taste, it takes minutes to decide what’s for dinner and which Rom Com movie you want to see. Or maybe you’ll skip the flick altogether and catch that comedian at the local comedy club.
When you have the same taste, life decisions are effortless.
Final Thoughts on Signs You’ve Found a Platonic Soulmate
If you’ve nodded your head even once while reading this, congratulations! You’ve found “the one”.
She is the missing piece to your soul’s puzzle. You can’t imagine living without them, yet are shocked that you didn’t know what you had until now. The good news is, the “when” isn’t really what counts… it’s the “what” you do now that matters.
Cherish every moment and live your best life knowing someone’s got your back day in and day out.
And if you're looking for more on articles on relationships, be sure to check out these blog posts:
- 7 Ways to Meet People & Make New Friends After College
- 15 Signs That Someone is Your True Soul Friend
- 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People