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Have you ever wanted to get to know someone, but didn't know what to say? Or you just couldn’t find the words and didn’t want to come across as weird or intrusive?
Sometimes, even when I already know someone, but want to get to know them more deeply, I’m afraid they’ll think I’m prying. Or worse, I'm scared I’ll feel rejected because they shut down and don't respond at all.
It happens to the best of us. So, in this post, I will tell you how “this or that” questions for adults are a fun way to get to know someone in a low-key way… and give you some examples.
What Are This or That Questions?
“This or that” questions are a playful, non-threatening way to help you get to know someone better. It's a game where you ask someone to choose between two options.
These questions serve as great ice breakers, teambuilders at work, ways to help you know a romantic partner better, or a fun party game. Because they're a playful way to engage someone, “this or that” questions for adults are a fantastic way to put both you and the other person at ease and encourage communication.
If you're thinking, “Isn't this the same as Would You Rather?” you're on the right track. But there are some differences.
The “would you rather” game consists of questions that are usually complete sentences. They normally follow a pattern of giving you a choice between two things that are unfavorable or extreme.
“This or that” questions don't follow this pattern, and are usually short phrases, or just a few words. But both are fun, light-hearted ways to get to know someone.
Why Are “This or That” Questions for Adults So Effective?
Let's face it, getting to know people or getting to know them better can be challenging. Sometimes you don't know what to say. Other times, you may not want to seem too intrusive or nosy.
Being asked questions about yourself by someone you don't know that well, or even just talking with someone where you're sharing personal things, can be uncomfortable.
Even when we know the person very well, we may have feelings of anxiety or be apprehensive because letting someone know us more deeply can make us feel vulnerable.
“This or that” questions for adults are a way to encourage open, non-judgmental communication. It allows those asking and answering to control how playful and surface-level, or how deep the conversation gets.
Feeling we're in control can help us feel less threatened and more comfortable to open up and share.
But let's not forget what really makes them so effective! Most people like to play games and have fun, making this game a great way to get someone to answer questions they may not have otherwise answered if you had asked the normal way.
A playful or random question can actually be the road to a deeper discovery.
Close-ended vs Open-ended Questions
You may be saying to yourself, “I have no problem thinking of a way to start a conversation. But, despite my efforts, I only get short, or “Yes” or “No” answers back.”
This is because the types of questions we ask drive how long or short the response is and our ability to have a real conversation with someone.
If you're getting short responses, you may be asking close-ended questions.
Close-ended questions have a limited number of responses, or can be answered with “Yes” or “No.” As a result, they don't prompt someone to elaborate. Here are some examples:
Open-ended questions, on the other hand, prompt a more in-depth response. They require more communication. Instead of a short answer, an open-ended question is more likely to result in someone answering in sentences or telling a story.
So, needless to say, these are the types of questions you want to ask when you're trying to get to know someone better.
Let's look at how we can turn those close-ended questions into open-ended ones.
Although “this or that” questions require you to choose between two things, they fall in the category of open-ended questions because they're conversation starters.
As people choose one of the two options, they often feel prompted to give reasons for their choices. If they don't, the person asking will usually ask the reason.
The playful and random nature of the game makes people feel less guarded and freer to make these exchanges.
I'm sure you can see how a person choosing flying over mind-reading can prompt a whole conversation about their rationale. This can easily lead to stories about a person's past experiences — or at the least — background information that gives more insight into who they are.
How someone interprets the choices, or the context can also incite a conversation. You may discuss how you thought someone would have made another choice, or why you would've or would not have made the same choice.
“This or that” questions for adults are a fun, non-intimidating way for couples to find out things about each other that can impact the future of their relationship. They can discover compatibility factors, such as if they have similar goals or desires.
Partners can learn about each other's beliefs and values. Sometimes this happens through the questions themselves. But it can happen through the conversations these questions lead to.
“This or that” questions help you learn each other's preferences, likes, and dislikes. This game may even lead into conversations about your love language, and how you feel about intimacy.
And you're getting all this valuable information while bonding through laughter and the spontaneity these random questions bring.
At any rate, it is an enjoyable way to discover new things about each other and explore topics you may have never discussed otherwise. Here are even more questions to help couples get to know each other better while having fun.
For Co-workers and Team Building
Who says you can't have fun while you're at work? “This or that” questions take away the formality of the office and allow people to feel more comfortable being themselves.
As co-workers express their rationale for their choices, it encourages the sharing of similarities, differences, and even friendly debates.
This can increase employee engagement, making everyone feel included. It might even help those who do not currently get along find some middle ground in all the fun.
Picking the Questions
While these questions can incite deeper conversations, let the situation you're using them in influence what types of questions you choose.
For co-workers or teambuilding, you want to choose questions that follow the same rules of appropriateness as other conversations that should be had in the workplace. You don't want them to be triggering or insulting.
If it's a party, or you're playing with a friend or romantic partner, you can agree how dirty and sexy you want to get.
183 Fun This or That Questions for Adults
This or That Questions for Friends
Food and Food Related
1. Vegan or vegetarian?
2. Fish or chicken?
3. Fried or baked?
4. Salty or sweet?
5. Fruit or vegetables?
6. No meat or no dairy?
7. Eggs or breakfast meat?
8. Thirsty or hungry?
9. Chocolate candy or skittles?
10. Wild-caught or farm-raised fish?
11. Milkshake or slush?
12. Mixed drinks or wine?
13. Chips or popcorn?
14. Hand soap or hand sanitizer?
15. Plastic or glass?
16. Dishwasher or microwave?
Entertainment, Hobbies, and Exercise
17. Live music or DJ?
18. Watch sports or play sports?
19. Watch old school movies or listen to old school music?
20. Roller skating or amusement park?
21. Sing or dance in front of strangers?
22. Board games or online games?
23. Uno or spades?
24. Book or Kindle?
25. Fiction or Non-fiction?
26. Play an instrument or sing?
27. Rap or act?
28. Swimming pool or ocean?
29. Yoga or jogging?
30. Aerobics or weightlifting?
31. Swim or run?
Fashion and Personal Appearance
32. Gloves or scarf?
33. Wear all white or all black?
34. New clothes or new shoes?
35. Glasses or contacts?
36. Long hair or long nails?
37. Beard or mustache?
38. Tattoos or piercings?
39. Facebook or Instagram?
40. Apple or Android?
41. Phone or computer?
42. Travel to outer space or to an underwater city?
43. Power or money?
44. Be the oldest or be the youngest?
45. Indoor mall or outdoor plaza?
46. Famous or respected?
47. Rain or snow?
48. Winter or summer?
49. Loan money or loan your car?
50. Alone or with strangers?
51. See or hear?
52. Cash App or Venmo?
53. Know when you are going to die or know when the world's going to end?
54. Give advice or receive advice?
55. Indoors or outdoors?
56. Go back to middle school or go back to high school?
57. Different or ordinary?
58. Live with family or roommates?
59. Have an extra leg or an extra arm?
60. Be invisible or be able to fly?
61. Long legs or really long arms?
62. Change your past or know your future?
63. Meet your younger self or your older self?
64. Spectator or participant?
65. Back massage or foot massage?
66. Find a million dollars or a lost friend?
67. Feel too hot or too cold?
68. Be stolen from or steal from someone?
69. Run too slow or walk too fast?
70. Cut grass or shovel snow?
71. Night or day?
72. Be smart or be wealthy?
73. Hear people's thoughts or predict the future?
This or That Questions for Couples
74. Vacation or staycation?
75. Top or bottom?
76. Fast food or dine-in?
77. Children or no children?
78. Adventure or scary movies?
79. Text or talk?
80. Early or on-time?
81. Silent treatment or argue?
82. City living or country living?
83. Cold climate or hot climate?
84. Plane trip or road trip?
85. Dance or sit and people watch?
86. Your house or your partner's house?
87. Cook or do dishes?
88. Camp site or hotel?
89. Early bird or night owl?
90. Shack up or marriage?
91. House or apartment?
92. Own or rent?
93. Bank or credit union?
94. Bath or shower?
95. Strike it rich or find your soulmate?
96. TV shows or movies?
97. Cats or dogs?
98. Coffee or tea?
99. Delivery or pick-up?
100. Bubble bath or massage?
101. Kisses or hugs?
102. Toilet paper over or under?
103. Sleep with music playing or TV playing?
104. Walk or drive?
105. Career or marriage?
106. Alcohol or cigarettes?
107. Beach or mountains?
108. Cable or apps?
109. Plan or be spontaneous?
110. Nap or go to bed early?
111. Read the book or watch the movie?
112. Driver or passenger?
113. Save or spend?
114. Dream house or dream car?
115. Go to college or own your own business?
116. Dating site or blind date?
117. Optimistic or realistic?
118. Play on a rainy day or sleep on a sunny day?
119. Neat or messy?
120. Pictures or videos?
121. Ranch-style or two-story home?
122. Blinds or curtains?
123. Basement or third floor?
124. A smart partner or a funny partner?
125. A rich partner or a kind partner?
126. Ask or answer questions?
127. Lights on or off?
128. Wash laundry or fold laundry?
129. Hard wood floors or carpet?
130. New or antique?
131. Pets or children?
132. Foreplay or cuddle after?
133. Love or lust?
134. Front yard or backyard?
135. Airbnb or hotel?
This or That Questions for Co-workers
136. Remote or on-site?
137. Lunch from home or out-to eat?
138. Profit or non-profit?
139. Door open or door closed?
140. Salary or hourly?
141. Start and leave early or start and leave late?
142. In-person meetings or video meetings?
143. Lead or follow?
144. Teamwork or independent work?
145. High-paying job or dream job?
146. Free lunch or free breakfast?
147. Bonus or raise?
148. Breakfast or no breakfast?
149. PTO or sick and vacation time?
150. Email or conversation?
151. Sports drink or soda?
152. Work close to home or have a reserved parking space?
153. Work for a relative or work with a relative?
154. Interview or be interviewed?
155. Introvert or extrovert?
156. Commission or base salary?
157. Sandwiches or pizza?
158. Best friends with your boss or best friends with a co-worker?
159. Physically intense work or mentally intense work?
160. Work with children or adults?
161. Post-its or notepads?
162. Small company or big company?
163. Shared office or private cubicle?
164. Holidays off or weekends off?
165. Elevator or stairs?
166. Drive or bike to work?
167. Work 36 hours over three days or 36 hours over four days?
168. Be a politician or an entrepreneur?
169. Clean bathrooms or wash dishes?
170. Free bottled water or free coffee?
171. Work in a busy downtown area or a slow rural setting?
172. Make more money or have more leisure time?
173. Constructive criticism or no feedback?
174. Take your child to work or your pet?
175. Write or type?
176. Answer phones or greet customers in person?
177. Work or school?
178. Recreation area or cafeteria?
179. Private parking spot or three extra days off a year?
180. Train or learn?
181. Work with pets or work with people?
182. Type fast or read fast?
183. Sit by the printer or by the water cooler?
Final Thoughts on This or That Questions for Adults
If I have accomplished nothing else, I hope I've turned you into a fan of “this or that” questions! My feeling is that you will now have the confidence to use this playful approach to get to know someone better. I know I will!
This is a fun method for taking away the awkwardness of initiating relationships… and an enjoyable, light-hearted way to help people learn more about each other.