11 Example Letters to a Husband Who Hurt You

Dear [Husband Name],

I know things are tense between us right now. This makes it more difficult for us to sit and talk without feeling defensive. I thought of letting you know we need to talk. I know how the words “we need to talk” can cause anxiety for you.

I decided to write this letter instead to air out my feelings about what happened recently. [Insert the specific thing your husband did to hurt you.]

I’m referring to when you said you wished you never married me. Not only that, it was said in front of your friends.

[State how the wrongdoing impacted you using ”I” statements.]

Hearing those words made me wish the ground could open up and swallow me. I’m utterly shocked and embarrassed. I feel disrespected, belittled, angry, sad, betrayed, and not good enough.

[Provide reassurance you’re open to solving the problem together and how.]

I would really like to know why you spoke to me like that and what it means for our marriage moving forward. I’m willing for us to talk about how we can work on expressing ourselves in healthy ways that will make our marriage a loving and safe space.

Your loving wife,

[Your name]

Dear [Husband Name],

I value our marriage so much that, instead of holding onto anger and resentment about what happened, I’ve chosen to express my thoughts. I know our default mode of communication is face-to-face dialogue. I believe this particular situation calls for a letter to let you know how I feel about what’s been happening with our intimacy. [Insert the specific thing your husband did to hurt you.]

My love, I’m trying to grasp your refusal to engage with me in the bedroom. I am seeking to find out what’s causing the behavior change.

[State how the wrongdoing has impacted you using “I” statements.]

I feel embarrassed, ashamed, and rejected. I find myself asking whether it stemmed from something I’ve said or done. It’s not the first time this has happened. As much as I’m hurt, and you’ve apologized, it’s important for me to know why.

[Provide reassurance you’re open to solving the problem together and how.]

We promised each other to always choose open and honest communication. I hope we can fall back on the promise, so I can be clear about what’s going on in your world. This can help me heal from the pain and brainstorm ways to improve our love life.

Your loving wife,

[Your name]

Dear [Husband Name]

I’m writing this with a heavy heart. I can’t help but feel sad reflecting on how we started to where we are now. I’ve been feeling unhappy in our marriage since the day I found out you had a vasectomy done [Insert the specific thing your husband did to hurt you.]

This is something married couples discuss. I didn’t even get a chance to say how the decision would affect me.

[State how the wrongdoing has impacted you using “I” statements.]

I feel betrayed and hurt to the core. I’m unhappy and unsure if I will get over it. You know how much I value sharing a family. The news shatters my hopes of having children. Right now, the future seems hopeless for me, and for us.

[Provide reassurance you’re open to solving the problem together and how.]

You apologized. Unfortunately for me, this isn’t something that can simply be fixed with an apology. As heartbroken as I am currently, I still love you. I would love to hear your thoughts on how we can work this out without breaking up.

Your loving wife,

[Your name]

Dear [Husband Name],

I married the man of my dreams when I married you. As you may have noticed, our marriage has taken a hard hit after discovering there is another woman. [Insert the specific thing your husband did to hurt you].

[State how the wrongdoing has impacted you using “I” statements.]

I feel utterly devastated and like a grieving spouse even though no one died. Really and truly something died inside of me the day I found out. I tried to find the words to say how I feel, but I have trouble facing you. I hope you will read all of what I have to say to understand why I need space.

[Provide reassurance that the decision is necessary and helpful.]

I think it will do me and us a great deal of good to take time out in the form of space away. I’m not sure yet exactly where I’m going to go physically. I prefer a place where I’m alone and able to process my feelings on my own.

We can discuss this, and I’m willing to hear you out. In the end, I hope you will understand and respect my request and decision to separate for a while.

Your loving wife,

[Your name]

Dear [Husband Name],

I never imagined in a million years that I wouldn’t have the strength to speak to you face-to-face. Here I am, writing this letter, because words fail me verbally. My dear, I keep trying to convince myself that this is a tiny tear in the fabric of our relationship. However, I can’t seem to shake what you did. [Insert the specific thing your husband did to hurt you.]

[State how the wrongdoing has impacted you using “I” statements.]

Every time it looks like I’m making progress, my mind goes back to that day. From there, my emotions begin to spiral out of control. I know acceptance is important for us to move on.

[Provide reassurance you’re open to solving the problem together and how.]

You apologized multiple times and I agreed to put this to rest. Unfortunately, I remain deeply torn and need more time. All I ask of you is to offer me a little bit more patience.

Thank you.

Your loving wife,

[Your name]

Dear [Husband Name],

I’m writing this letter to you with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes. I’m still coming to terms with how you overlooked my opinion regarding that major life decision. [Insert the specific thing your husband did to hurt you.]

[State how the wrongdoing has impacted you using “I” statements.]

This has left me feeling unappreciated and lacking value as your life partner. Whatever the reason for leaving me out, I remain disappointed and distraught.

[Provide reassurance you’re open to solving the problem together.]

For me to feel safe again in the marriage, I would like you to consider my views and ask for my input on life-changing decisions that affect both of us. I’m prepared for us to talk about how we will approach this together

Your loving wife,

[Your name]

Dear [Husband Name],

I’ve said this before, but I can’t emphasize enough how much I’m hurt and struggling with our lack of communication. Babes, I have vivid memories of how we used to talk for hours.

I am not here to judge, but I observe you seem withdrawn. [Insert the specific thing your husband did to hurt you.]

I remember how you opened up and shared even things others would judge you for. The level of openness and trust are two of the most attractive traits I saw in you. It drew us close. All that has changed so dramatically.

[State how the wrongdoing has impacted you using “I” statements.]

I feel unseen, ignored, and unimportant when I’m brushed off at times when I’m trying to engage you. It’s painful. I feel like I don’t exist to you anymore.

[Provide reassurance you’re open to solving the problem together and how.]

As painful as feeling shut out is for me, I’m not giving up on us. I know we can get through this bump in the road if we reopen communication. I’m here to listen and try and understand why you seem closed off. Please, let’s work together to rebuild this key component of marriage.

Your loving wife,

[Your name]

Dear [Husband Name],

I find myself reminiscing about the time in our lives when trust was the golden thread that held our marriage together. Trust is out the window after finding out our union is plagued by dishonesty. [Insert the specific thing your husband did to hurt you]

Love, trust, and respect go together. Love and trust have been compromised for me. Where do we go from here?

[State how the wrongdoing has impacted you using “I” statements]

I’m still trying to make sense of the WHY. How could I have missed the clues? But then again, I placed my trust in you wholeheartedly. I love you, but I’m struggling to cope. I can’t say if or when I’ll be able to trust again.

[Provide reassurance you’re open to solving the problem together.]

Betrayal and loss of trust destroy relationships. As much as I’m torn apart, I believe it’s possible to regain my trust. It would help if you could consider taking steps to help me in this area. With time and your commitment to maintaining honesty between us, we can prevent our marriage from falling apart.

Your loving wife,

[Your name]

Dear [Husband Name],

One of the attributes you love about me is my strength, tenacity, and ability to overcome tough challenges. While this may be so, I’m struggling to get past my pain from what has happened. [Insert the specific thing your husband did to hurt you].

[State how the wrongdoing has impacted you using “I” statements.]

I’m broken. I notice you haven’t asked how I’m coping or how you can help. I feel alone and helpless. Some days I feel like lashing out. That will only make matters worse and drive us further apart.

[Provide reassurance you’re open to solving the problem together.]

I’ve decided to look at the bigger picture. I forgive you. I want our marriage to work. But first, I need a show of empathy, care, and support from you to help me work through the pain.

Thank you.

Your loving wife,

[Your name]

Dear [Husband Name]

Let me be the first to admit our marital relationship has declined ever since I found out what transpired. [Insert the specific thing your husband did to hurt you.] The deterioration of marriage is the result of unforgiveness.

[State how the wrongdoing has impacted you using “I” statements.]

I’ve been betrayed in a way that changed how I view you and the future. I want to hold on to the grudge for as long as possible. That only leaves me angry, suspicious, distrustful, and anxious.

[Provide reassurance you’re open to solving the problem together.]

Living in unforgiveness is doing more harm to me and our marriage. Luckily, I believe in the power of forgiveness. To me, it’s the only way to restore our marriage to where it was before the incident.

That being said, I forgive you. I hope we can rediscover the love and happiness we shared as we work on rebuilding trust.

Your loving wife,

[Your name]

Dear [Husband Name],

I unwillingly admit our marriage has broken down so much that almost every conversation turns into a name-calling session. I lost count of the derogatory names I’m getting called. [Insert the specific thing your husband did to hurt you.]

To me, this has to do with a communication breakdown. Continuing down this path will chip away at what remains of our marriage.

[State how the wrongdoing has impacted you using “I” statements]

Being called a “dumb bitch,” “fat” and “ugly,” has taken a toll on my self-esteem. This is emotional abuse. Many days I feel worthless, depressed, and hopeless. There has to be a healthy way to communicate. Otherwise, I can’t go on.

[Provide reassurance you’re open to solving the problem together.]

As much as I could quit the marriage, a part of me believes a Couples Therapist can help us. I read Couples Therapist help their clients explore healthy communication skills. Would you be willing to consider this option? Please let me know.

Thank you for reading.

Your loving wife,

[Your name]