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Relationships are a normal part of life. It can feel good to have someone to rely on and share your life with. But sometimes, being in a relationship can make you feel like you need to beg for attention.
On my end, I remember having to be the one to reach out to hold hands. I would have to initiate conversations and feel like I wasn’t being heard. He talked about what he wanted and would leave the room or be short if he could not keep up with a topic I brought up.
It felt like I was the only one trying. When you feel like this in a relationship, it can be tough to know what to do. If you find yourself feeling the need to beg for attention, it is important to understand why. There are a variety of factors that can cause you to feel this way.
Reasons Why You Are Begging for Attention
You Are Being Taken for Granted
Maybe your partner takes you for granted. An example of this might be if you feel like you are always the one initiating conversations or plans.
It can also happen when your partner does not put any effort into making you feel special. If you are always the one doing the work in the relationship, it can be easy to start feeling unappreciated.
You Are Dating a Narcissist
Maybe they are a narcissist or controlling person. If your partner is always putting themselves first, it can be tough to get the attention you need. Narcissists can also be gaslighters.
If you are not sure of when gaslighting happens, this basically means the narcissist makes you question your reality. An example might be if they tell you something happened that you know did not happen. They might do this by telling you that you are overreacting or being too sensitive. They may go as far as hitting you and turning around and say you are crazy when you try to defend yourself.
If this is happening in your relationship, it is important to reach out for help.
Relationships Mean Something Different to You Both
You and your partner may have different views of the relationship. An example of this might be if you are looking for a serious relationship but your partner is not.
It can also happen when you want different things out of life. If you want to settle down and have kids but your partner does not, it can be tough to find common ground.
The Fall Out/Effects of Begging for Attention
When you are begging for attention, it can have a negative impact on your mental, physical, and social health.
When you are constantly begging for attention, it can start to take a toll on your mental health. You may start to feel anxious or depressed. You may also find it tough to focus on other areas of your life.
Your physical health can also be affected. When you are feeling anxious or depressed, it can lead to issues like insomnia or a loss of appetite. You may also find yourself getting sick more often.
Your social health can also suffer when you are begging for attention. Before you know it, you may start to distance yourself from friends and family. You may also find it tough to meet new people. This isolation can make you feel even worse.
9 Things to Do Instead of Begging for Attention
1. Talk to Your Partner About Your Needs
Don’t beg for attention in a real relationship. Begin dealing with this issue by communicating with your partner. This can be a tough conversation to have, but it is important to be honest about your needs.
Schedule a time to sit down and just focus on this particular topic. Turn off the TV and cell phones and have a real conversation. Listen to what your partner has to say and try to come up with a compromise that works for both of you.
2. Take A Break from Social Media
If you are constantly checking your phone or social media for attention, it may be time to take a break. This can be tough, especially if you are used to being active on social media.
Start by taking a few days off. See how it feels to not be constantly checking your phone. If you find that you are feeling better, try taking a break for a week or longer. You may be surprised at how much better you feel when you are not always looking for validation from others.
Don't worry about your partner's Facebook or Instagram account. If they are truly interested in you, they will understand why you need some time away from social media.
3. Spend Some Time on Your Own
It is important to spend some time on your own, even if you are in a relationship. This can be tough if you are used to always being around your partner, but it is important to have some alone time.
Use this time to do things that make you happy. This can be anything from reading, going for a walk, or taking a yoga class. It is important to find activities that help you relax and de-stress. You will be happier and more content when you take some time for yourself.
When you make time for yourself, you will enjoy your partner more when back together. Your partner will also have a chance to miss you and appreciate you more. If your lover truly misses you, they will show it once you are available again.
Don't be afraid to take an official break from the relationship if you are still feeling the need to beg for attention. This is a big decision, but it may be what you need. This break will give you time to focus on yourself and your needs.
4. Talk to A Friend or Family Member
If you are feeling like you are not getting the attention you need, it can be helpful to talk to a friend or family member. This can be a great way to get some support and perspective.
Choose someone who you know will be supportive and understanding. By talking to someone you are not romantically linked to, you may be able to see your relationship in a different light. This can be helpful if you are feeling stuck.
5. Make A List of Things You Love About Yourself
One reason you may be begging for attention is because you do not feel good about yourself. This can be tough to admit but it is important to work on your self-esteem.
One way to do this is to make a list of things you love about yourself. This can be anything from your sense of humor to your physical appearance. Write down as many things as you can think of. If you are having trouble, ask a friend or family member to help you.
Once you have your list, take some time to read it every day. It may seem cheesy, but it can be helpful to remind yourself of all the great things about you.
If there are things you don't like, take the time to make healthy improvements. For example, if you don't like your physical appearance, take up a new exercise routine or eat healthier. If you are unhappy with your career, start taking steps to change it by getting a new certification, learning a new language, etc. It is never too late to make improvements in your life.
6. Set Some Relationship Goals
One reason you may be feeling the need to beg for attention is because your relationship is not where you want it to be. This can be tough to admit but it is important to be honest with yourself.
We mentioned talking to your partner above. Take this discussion to another level and set some goals. This can be anything from spending more quality time together to being more communicative.
Be specific about what you want and make sure your goals are realistic. It can be helpful to write your goals down and refer to them often. This will help you stay on track and make progress in your relationship.
Do you want quality time to be specific such as designated date nights or weekends away? Do you want to communicate better by setting aside specific times to talk?
How about marriage? If you have already been dating for a specific amount of time, you may feel an engagement or marriage should happen by a certain point. Some may feel you should not date for more than 2 years without being engaged. Others may feel like 1 year is too soon – or perfect! Others may think 5 years is pushing it. If you have been dating for a while and marriage has not been brought up, it may be time to have a discussion about such goals.
7. Seek Out Professional Help
If you have tried everything on this list and you are still feeling the need to beg for attention, it may be time to seek out professional help. This is a big decision, but it may be what you need.
A therapist or counselor can help you work through the issues in your relationship. They can also help you work on your self-esteem. This can be an invaluable step in getting the attention you need without having to beg for it.
Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. It takes a lot of courage to admit you need help and to ask for it.
If you are not sure if professional help is right for you, consider attending a support group. This can be a great way to get some perspective and see that you are not alone in your struggle.
Don't be afraid to ask your partner to go to couple's counseling if you are both serious about each other. This can be a great way to work through your issues and get the attention you need.
8. Focus on Your Own Happiness
One reason you may be feeling the need to beg for attention is because you are focused on your partner's happiness and not your own. This is a common issue but it is important focus on your own happiness as well.
You cannot control your partner's happiness. You can only control your own. So, start by making a list of things that make you happy. This can be anything from spending time with friends, playing with animals, go to wine tastings, or watching romantic comedies.
Once you have your list, make an effort to do something from it every day. This will help you focus on your own happiness and get the attention you need.
It is also important to find a hobby or activity that you love. This can be anything from painting to hiking to playing sports. Doing things you love will help you feel good about yourself and make it easier to get the attention you need. You can't make someone else happy if you are not happy from within.
9. Learn to Say No
One reason you may feel the need to beg for attention is because you are a people pleaser. You may feel like you have to say yes to everything your partner asks of you. This can be a tough habit to break but it is important to learn to say no.
Saying no does not make you a bad person. It does not mean you do not love your partner. It just means that you have boundaries, and you are not going to let your partner take advantage of you.
It is also important to learn to say no to your friends and family. This can be tough, but it is important to set boundaries with them as well. Just because you are a people pleaser does not mean you have to say yes to everyone.
Final Thoughts About Begging for Attention in a Relationship
It is no secret that relationships take work. They are not always easy, but they are worth it. The key is to find a balance between giving and receiving attention. One person should not be doing all the work. Both people should be putting in an equal amount of effort. If you feel like you are the only one giving attention, it may be time to discuss with your partner.
It is also important to focus on your own happiness. You cannot make someone else happy or love them if you are not happy or able to love from within. Giving time in a relationship is a two-way street so don’t beg for attention. Learn more about how to deal with overcompensating in a relationship and check out Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat.